“Seon-hyeong, there’s something I want to ask you,” Hyung-sik said, bowing his head. Seon-hyeong lifted her gaze, studied his parted hair with suspicion, and thought for a long moment.
“What is it?” she asked, blushing slightly.
“You must answer my question honestly. It’s only proper. What should lovers hide from each other?” Hyung-sik’s heart pounded wildly. It felt like a life-or-death verdict would be delivered in seconds. Seon-hyeong had never been asked such a weighty question before, and a chill of fear ran through her at his words. Unsure how to respond, she simply said, “Yes.”
It was the same “Yes” she had given on the day of their engagement. Hyung-sik found it hard to speak further. He was afraid of that answer too. But living in doubt, not knowing Seon-hyeong’s true feelings, was even more frightening. So he recalled Useon’s words about being “manly,” steeled himself, and with a trembling voice asked, “Seon-hyeong, do you love me?” He looked intently into her eyes.
Seon-hyeong’s eyes widened at the unexpected question. She felt even more frightened. In truth, she had never once considered whether she loved Hyung-sik. She didn’t even think she had the right to consider such a thing. She was already Hyung-sik’s wife, so it must be her duty to serve him. She had tried her best to be affectionate toward him, but it had never occurred to her to think, What if I can’t feel affection? Hyung-sik’s question struck her like a thunderbolt.
She stared at him blankly. “Why do you ask that?”
“It’s something I must ask. We should have asked each other before the engagement, but the order got reversed. Still, I have to ask now, even at this point.”
Seon-hyeong sat in silence.
“Please answer clearly. Yes or no...”
In Seon-hyeong’s mind, such a question was unnecessary, and there was no need to answer. Weren’t they already husband and wife? What was the point of asking? So she smiled and said, “Why do you ask that?”
“It’s better for both of us to know as soon as possible. Before things are completely settled...”
“Huh? What do you mean ‘settled’?”
“We’re only engaged, not yet married. So there’s still room to correct a mistake.”
Seon-hyeong was so frightened that goosebumps rose on her skin. She couldn’t understand what Hyung-sik meant. “Then you’re saying you want to break off the engagement?” Tears welled in her eyes for no reason she could understand.
Seeing this, Hyung-sik regretted raising the subject, but said, “Yes... that’s what I mean.”
“Why?”
“If you don’t love me...”
“But we’re already engaged.”
“The engagement isn’t what’s important.”
“Then what is important?”
“Love.”
“And if there’s no love?”
“Then the engagement is void.”
🙝 🙟
Seon-hyeong thought for a while. “Then what about you?”
“I love you, Seon-hyeong. More than my life.”
“Then isn’t that enough?”
“No. You must love me too.”
“Would a wife not love her husband?”
Hyung-sik stared at Seon-hyeong. She bowed her head.
“Whose words are those?”
“Isn’t it in the Bible?”
“But what do you think... truly, in your heart?”
“I think the same way.”
“Do you love your husband because you are his wife, or are you his wife because you love him?”
This was also something Seon-hyeong had never heard before. So without understanding what it meant, she said, “Aren’t they the same?”
Hyung-sik was startled by the word “same.” How could they be the same? He thought, This girl still doesn’t know how to think about such things. So he put it in one sentence. “Answer me in one word... Do you love me?” His voice sounded almost pleading. If the answer was “no,” Hyung-sik felt he would die. Seon-hyeong’s tightly pressed lips resembled those of a judge who held his life in her hands.
Seon-hyeong’s mind was now too confused to think further. Seeing Hyung-sik’s miserable face only frightened her more. So she simply said, “Yes!”
Hyung-sik wanted to ask again, but feared that “yes” might turn into “no,” so he held back and suddenly grasped Seon-hyeong’s hand. Her hand was warm and soft, as if it might melt away in his grip. Seon-hyeong remained still. Hyung-sik squeezed her hand harder. He hoped she would squeeze back, but Seon-hyeong only bowed her head and stayed motionless. Hyung-sik quickly let go and went home. He didn’t know why he had left so abruptly. Seon-hyeong watched him go without even a goodbye.
Seon-hyeong leaned against the desk, closed her eyes, and thought. She remembered clearly what Hyung-sik had said. But she didn’t understand what he meant. How could he say “Do you love me”? Wasn’t he ashamed? A man who could say such things without shame didn’t seem like a proper gentleman. Wasn’t that the kind of talk he’d have with a gisaeng at a tavern? Thinking like that, she felt insulted by Hyung-sik. When talking about loving God, loving the people, or that married couples should love each other, the word “love” sounded sacred. But when a man said to a woman, “Please love me,” or “I love you,” it seemed vulgar and undignified. From everything Seon-hyeong had heard at home and in church, all other forms of love were holy and pure, but only the love between young men and women seemed utterly filthy and sinful. Seon-hyeong didn’t realize that the very concept and word “love” originated from the love between a man and a woman. So Hyung-sik’s talk about love considerably displeased her. In Seon-hyeong’s mind, her husband should be an extremely clean and dignified person. Hyung-sik, who shamelessly spoke such words, seemed like a sinner. He must be using on me the habits he picked up with filthy gisaeng, she thought, and frowned. She looked at her hand that Hyung-sik had held. Remembering how her hand had been buried in his big one, and how he had squeezed it hard enough to hurt, she shook her hand a few times as if flicking off dirt and wiped it on her skirt.
But when she thought again, the words “I love you” and the feeling of having her hand held weren’t entirely unpleasant. Moreover, when Hyung-sik had squeezed her hand tightly, her whole body had tingled and she had even felt a thrill of joy. So she held out her hand again, looked at it, smiled faintly, and gently brought it to her lips.
Then Seon-hyeong thought: Did she actually love Hyung-sik? She recalled his words: “Do you love your husband because you are his wife, or are you his wife because you love him?” and “If there is no love, the engagement is void.” If that were true, what about the command of her parents? If she had no love for Hyung-sik, could she say, “I don’t love Hyung-sik, so I reject this marriage my parents arranged”? Would that be right? No. That couldn’t be. Marriage was a sacred thing ordained by God, not something humans could decide at will. Hyung-sik’s words must be wrong. His words were unclean. But she was Hyung-sik’s wife. She was Hyung-sik’s wife, something that could never be changed by human hands.
Seon-hyeong stood up and paced the room, but still couldn’t calm her mind. She leaned against the desk again and offered a prayer.
“God, forgive this sinful daughter’s sins and show me the path I should take. Lead me not into temptation...” She hesitated briefly, then added, “Grant me the heart to love my husband with sincerity.”
🙝 🙟
One day, Byeong-uk was sitting alone, idly plucking the strings of a violin lying beside her while reading the Gomun Jinbo she had learned from Yeongchae, when Byeongguk returned from somewhere. He came in holding a Panama hat in one hand and fanning himself with the other, then sat down on the threshold of Byeong-uk’s room.
“You’ve become obsessed with Chinese poetry these days. Might as well give up music and study poetry,” he said with a laugh.
“Why? Like this, I make music with my hand and read poetry with my eyes,” she said, plucking the violin strings repeatedly, shaking her body like a child, and reading the poem aloud.
Byeongguk watched her swaying body and laughed. “Where did our guest go?” he asked. (Byeongguk called Yeongchae “guest.”)
Byeong-uk looked up sharply and smiled. “A guest? Where? Where did they come from?”
Byeongguk knew his sister was teasing him, but answered honestly, “Ah, I meant that person.”
“Oh, and who is ‘that person’?” Byeong-uk said, knowing that Byeongguk was suffering because of Yeongchae.
Byeongguk said, “Stop it,” and spun around. He couldn’t bear it and started to get up to leave.
Byeong-uk ran out and pulled his sleeve. “Brother, come back. I was wrong.”
“I don’t want to. I have to go somewhere,” he said, pulling his arm away.
Byeong-uk laughed out loud. “I really have something to tell you, so please sit down here.” At that, Byeongguk sat down again.
Byeong-uk swatted a fly on Byeongguk’s back with her hand. “Brother, what’s worrying you?” She stopped laughing and looked sideways at his face.
Byeongguk turned his head in surprise to look at her. “No, why? Do I look worried?”
“Yes, you seem to have something on your mind,” she said, grinning as if to say, I know what it is.
Byeongguk scratched his head vigorously and laughed. “I really need to set up that sericulture company, but Father won’t allow it. I just went out about that matter and am on my way back. You go twang your violin, and I have to earn money...”
Byeong-uk stepped back, looked away, and said mockingly, “Ha, so that’s your worry. Because I spend too much money. If so, then stop. I’ll earn my own money and study. Are women really unable to earn even their own food?”
Byeongguk laughed heartily. “I was wrong, sister. No need to get so angry. You tease others, so I tease you back.”
Byeong-uk came back to his side. “That was just a joke,” she said, sitting down, wiggling her body, and lowering her voice. “Brother, I’m going to Tokyo with Yeongchae. Isn’t that good?”
“Do as you like,” he said, pretending to be very indifferent, but his heart was already starting to race. “But why are you telling me this?”
“Let me go soon. I don’t want to stay home, and if I take Yeongchae, I need to prepare for school entrance. So let me leave right away,” she said, looking at him intently.
Byeongguk roughly guessed his sister’s intention. And he felt even more grateful for her affection. But since he wasn’t sure based only on his guess, he said, “Well, school doesn’t start for another month. Why do you want to leave so soon?”
Byeong-uk stared into her brother’s eyes for a long moment, then said in a weak voice, “We need to go soon. Don’t you think so?”
At “Don’t you think so?” Byeongguk’s heart jolted. Indeed, it was true. The longer Yeongchae stayed near, the more he would suffer, and there was certainly no small danger. He had thought about it himself. He knew it would be good if he went somewhere on a trip or sent Yeongchae somewhere. But there was an attraction that prevented him from acting.
Byeongguk bowed his head and thought for a while. “You’re right. You’re right. We have to go soon,” he said, and let out a deep sigh.
Byeong-uk touched her brother’s shoulder. “Yeongchae loves you too, so please think of her as your younger sister and always care for her. I will also think of her as my younger sister and always stay with her. When we go to Tokyo, we’ll live together, cook, and study. Isn’t it good to save a pitiful person? And if Yeongchae studies a bit more, she could become a fine worker.”
Byeongguk listened to his sister with his head bowed, then slapped his knee and straightened up. “Well thought out. Why would I hide anything from you? I’ve really been suffering lately.” He thought for a moment, then seemed to resolve once more. “So when will you leave?”
“Well, I’ll go on the day you tell me to.”
“Then take the day after tomorrow’s afternoon train. I’ll get you the travel money by tomorrow.”
At that moment, Yeongchae ran in through the gate. When she saw Byeongguk, she bowed in greeting. Byeongguk quickly stood up and returned the bow. Yeongchae handed Byeong-uk a handful of irises she had picked from the back mountain. Byeong-uk took the flowers, fussed with them, then split them in half. “I’ll put these on brother’s desk. And these are for us two.”